thank you, winter

Updated: May 31, 2020

winter is about slowing down, conserving energy and resources. it is darkness. it is death. this past winter was the most potent medicine I have ever received. it literally shook me to my core.

this was my first winter in taos. i lived in a cabin by myself in the middle of the forest at 7,000 feet elevation. there was so. much. snow. the coldness brought me to my knees. i became best friends with my fire—my source. i devoted my winter to surrendering. to trusting. to embracing the cold and the darkness.

i met my deepest wounds in that darkness. i met all of my biggest fears and worries. I had never experienced this kind of solitude. I surrendered to the silence, the stillness. I dove deep down inside and found my shadow. it was the most pain I had ever encountered. I purged. I grieved. but, i met my shadow with compassion, opened my palms to the sky, and said ‘i choose to no longer carry you with me’. i let go. completely unraveled.

what a gift it was to feel such pain. to feel the depth of my emotional body. I choose to not be a victim to my pain. but instead, to be grateful for it all. my pain was my teacher. I trusted that through this heart opening, I was becoming more open to receiving love. I was being taken care of.

i remained in a state of complete openness and vulnerability. i devoted myself to gratitude and trust. and what i received was a nebulous of love. deeper and brighter than i could have ever imagined. i found magic and love within every part of myself that i had cracked open. i loved myself deeper than i knew was possible. the depths at which I was able to go within myself, transmuted to the light-years at which I was able to awaken and transform.

i emerged as a completely new person. I had recovered a deep sense of my own truth and purpose. i reconnected to the infinite wisdom and beauty that runs through us all. I remembered that i am a strong and powerful expression of life. I understood exactly what seeds I needed to plant in the spring.

death is a beautiful (and misunderstood) teacher that awakens us to life. we need the winter just as much as we need the spring.

we must allow what needs to move through us, to move through us. allow what needs to leave us, leave us. to make room for the infinite love that is moving towards us right now. it is already ours.

as we make this massive shift together, ask yourself, what do I want to leave behind? and what do i want to bring with me? blessings to you my friends, may we all continue to grow in love with each new season.




© 2020 by Cal Russe.